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As a gay man approaching 50, I’ve spent many, largely enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing any man, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners again.

Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous homosexual males have open relationships, but from my observations, they have seemed demanding, often resulting in significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I want another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused.

Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle different types of sexual unions as fixed. What you need in your current state could easily shift in the future; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you might meet a person offering a life-changing chance for you through mirroring your desires completely … and at another point you may choose that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about the future and engaging in endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay present in your relationships, and recognize the value of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to deepen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist practices as a US-based psychotherapist focusing on treating sexual disorders.